Hong Kong was hell. I got in at 9 in the morning and had 12 hours
to kill before my flight to Bombay. My first stop was out to Sha Tin
to visit Chinese University. Eric Lo Hing Cheung started me up a
visitor account and let me read my mail, telling me about the latest
status of Internet access. To nobody's surprise, the system had
moved forward at a remarkable rate since my last visit and most of
the Hong Kong universities were up and running.
Eric and Dr. Michael Chang were both gracious as always, but I
had a problem. My back went out and I could barely move. I
travel very light when it comes to clothes and other luxuries, but all
the books I insist on bringing with me brings the weight up to the
level that is enough to seem light but can strain the back when you
take a different plane every day. Sure enough, I felt like lying on
the floor at Chinese University, but that would have been less than
polite.
I took a cab to the main island to find a place to lie down. The
fare card in the taxi had a list of all the surcharges, including HK $4
(U.S. $0.50) for each "piece of luggage, animal, or bird." At the bottom, though was an addendum which said that "wheelchair or
crutches, carried by a disabled person free." I tried to think of the
legislative history that must have gone into such a clause.
I spent the rest of the day with my friend Harry Rolnick, the
writer. Harry is not the kind of person who minds if you spend the
afternoon lying on his floor and I hoped that my back would recover.
It was deadline day for Harry, a weekly columnist for the
South
China Morning Post. It being March 6, he decided that the Michelangelo virus would be a likely topic. Harry is not your most technically astute typethis is somebody who still uses Wordstarbut
has a great sense of humor.
We spent the next hour trying to dream up new viruses. The
civil servant virus was easy enough: it simply dims the screen and
does nothing. The Hong Kong waiter virus has possibilities: you
can't find the thing, but it will pop up occasionally and snarl at you.
And, of course, there is the expatriate manager virus, which won't
go off until mid-morning, when it displays "what a night, what a
night" on the screen and then goes to lunch.
While Harry finished his column, I laid on the floor and looked
up at the walls. The walls were certainly interesting. When he is
not reviewing concerts or restaurants, Harry does things like travel
to Korea to write feature pieces about kim chi or travel through the
mountains of Pakistan to get a little exercise. His walls show the
results.
On one wall was a framed copy of the Pyongyang Times from
North Korea. "Comrade Kim Jong Il Inspects Kwangbok Department Store" blazed the headline. On the other wall was a 1991 calendar from Kampuchea Airlines, certainly a rare item.
To help me pass the time, Harry handed me down a copy of a
North Korean-English phrasebook he had acquired on a recent visit.
Verb conjugation was illustrated by the following sequence:
"We fight against Yankees"
My favorite section, though, was the one on admirations, pointing out ways to say nice things about people.
"What a wise leadership."
This phrasebook made me want to spend some time in North
Korea. After all, where else can you find such an interesting permutation of the language?
I started to count the number of cities I had been in the past 5
months. Flat on my back, nursing a Mekhong whiskey to ease the
pain, I wondered if it was worth it. There had to be an easier way
to earn a living.
Then, Harry walked in and showed me some of his clips, including his story on kim chi, the fiery Korean pickled cabbage, made by
burying cabbage and peppers for the winter to ferment. Perhaps
there was an easier way to earn a living, but sitting in a cubicle
hacking UNIX kernels would never expose me to the wonders of
kim chi.
I dragged myself downstairs, caught a taxi, and gritted my teeth
all the way to the airport, dragged my way through customs, and
finally got on the plane. Even the dumpling stuffed with yam ice
cream and served with a delicate, blue peanut sauce didn't ease the
pain.
"We will fight against Yankees"
"We have fought against Yankees"
"Fancy abolishing taxation!"
"This is a success for the people indeed."